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EXPAND YOUR VOCABULARY!

ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid)
adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus)
adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um)
n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at the perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye or up the nose.

BURGACIDE (burg' uh side)
n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.

CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun)
n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching down and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum cleaner one more chance.

DIMP (dimp)
n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking "Do you work here?"

DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt')
v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will 'remove' all the germs.

ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma)
n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rear view mirror.

EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz)
n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.

ELBONICS (el bon' iks)
n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun)
n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.

LACTOMANGULATION (lak' toe man gyu lay' shun)
n. Manhandling the 'open here' spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the 'illegal' side.

NEONPHANCY (nee on' fan see)
n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.

PEPPIER (pehp ee ay')
n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

PETATONIC (pet a ton' ik)
n. One who is embarassed to undress in front of a household pet.

PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh)
n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun)
n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least once before you pick it up, even when you're only six centimeters away.
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Elizabeth Orr

April 2017

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